Our other responsibilities…

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The above video was passed on to me this afternoon by a colleague. As I watched the video, I got an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach. I remember my own experiences as a youth, and recall having watched many fights. I remember having witnessed an older boy approach another, pushing his chest into the air and physically exerting his dominance by pounding his fists against his breast. As the second boy turned his back, the first boy picked up a 3′ pipe that was lying nearby on a neighbor’s lawn and muscled the object through the air towards his enemy. The pipe made contact with the second boy’s left temple bringing him to a quick fall and cracking his head wide open.

There are some memories that simply do not fade. Acts of intolerance and violence are pervasive in our education system, and it has been many a time that I have simply played the role of a bystander. Sadly, I have stood on the sidelines far more often than I would care to admit and in doing so, have witnessed violence and senseless bullying that has undoubtedly left another human being scarred.

As we continue to see these instances online and in our communities, I am quickly made aware of the fact that it is my own responsibility to act and speak out against bullying regardless of whether or not this is a priority in my daily work schedule. It is now that I draw the connection between bullying and suicide in adolescents and teens in the United States. It does not take facts and figures to substantiate the claim that in many cases adolescent and teen suicide correlates with bullying.

The Center for Disease Control reports that among persons between the ages of 15 and 24, suicide accounts for 12.2% of all deaths annually, and I would venture a guess that any one person reading this knows of a youth who has taken their life (please cast your response to this in the poll below). We, as a body of people, have an obligation to teach our youth about treating others with respect. We, as a body of people, have a responsibility to do something. This is not a call for mentors, or a plea for more hands in the classroom. Action comes in a variety of ways, and starts with a simple conversation. That is all it takes.

For a good place to start. Check out the following websites for more information. Also, check in with your local school district to see what you can do to get involved in anti-bullying action in your community.

1.) http://www.stopbullying.gov/
2.) www.peacefirst.org (A great resource and organization that I had the privilege of working with in 2006.)
3.) www.collaborative.org

A healthy masculine identity? What is that?

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Over the past few years I have been somewhat involved in conversations with contemporaries about the mystery of a “healthy masculinity.” Having grown up with mixed messages of what it means to be a man, I developed a bit of anxiety around this topic. While in middle school and high school, I remember casual remarks made by my peers indicating that I was perhaps “less than” a man. I may not have fit the archetypal male persona, but I certainly believed myself to be just as much a man as the next one.

As a result of the insidious and disparaging remarks suggesting that I was gay, a girl, and a wimp, I subconsciously developed a negative image of what a man was in Western society. In my teens, I bought into the deluded depictions of masculinity and saw those who played football, those that lifted weights, and those that objectified women were folks that I should emulate. It was as though I was living a double life–constantly trying to insist that I was, for example, interested in sports.

Several years later, after entering graduate school, did I begin to reshape my understanding of what it truly means to be a man. Through my conversations with peers and faculty members, I felt encouraged to explore methods for combating the hetero-normative and oppressive hegemonic masculine behavior that lowered my self-esteem as a youth. This has proven to be an empowering experience, and has helped me identify a body of men who do not fit into what is known by Men’s Work author, Paul Kivel, as “The Man Box.” In efforts to sustain the conversation, I have been enlisted to help educate and enlighten young men on the campus where I am now employed. With a small group of men, I will work in a team to facilitate conversations around healthy masculine identity development in hopes of not only bettering the relationships that men have with one another, but also with their female counterparts and folks within the LGBT community.

In conclusion for the evening, I invite those reading to watch Tony Porter’s, “Call to Men,” and hope that you feel inclined to share this with your sons, nephews, grandsons, and partners.

Until next time…

Count your blessings…

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I woke up this morning; I went through my daily routine, packed my lunch, and then rushed out the door into the chilly winter morning air. Before leaving, I debated about what I would look like if I wore my hiking boots with my dress pants. Would I look alright? I packed my black dress shoes in my bag, and moved out the door–wearing the boots, even though I looked ridiculous.

When I got to the bus stop, I had a few minutes. I ran across the street to the local Dunkin Donuts and decided (though I’m trying to reduce caffeine intake), that I would grab a coffee before getting on the bus. I paid the young woman at the counter nearly $2 for a coffee that I would inevitably find to be too sweet (as they always are at Dunkin Donuts).When I got on the bus, I started sifting through the apps on my iPhone, as to ensure that no personal connection with those around me would be happening. I stopped myself for a fleeting moment and thought about this, and said, “I really ought to put this away and be more present,” but fewer than two minutes later, I was reading Twitter posts and Facebook status updates.
Finally, when I was jostled back to reality at a bus stop on my route, I looked down at the man sitting across from me and realized that there was a large hole in the front of his right shoe. I was careful not to stare, and stole glances from time to time for the duration of the trip. The sole had separated from the toe-box; beneath the black synthetic material, I could see that the man had wrapped his foot in a white plastic garbage bag.

I looked up and watched as he smiled gazing out the front bus window. How could this man be smiling? I asked myself. The snow on the ground in the walk-ways was at least two inches deep, and this man had a plastic bag on his foot. How unfortunate. How completely aggravated I became at my earlier internal dialogue about looking foolish wearing boots with my dress pants. How pretentious I must look, and to be quite honest–feel, as I thumbed away on my iPhone and sipped on my $2 cup of coffee. How quickly I count my blessings, yet cast aside the misfortune of others and forget about how truly fortunate I really am. How forgetful I often am about such inequities amongst myself and neighbors.

Maybe tomorrow will be a different day. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll try not to forget.

Welcome!

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Hi everyone and welcome to www.onesojourner.com!

After an extended time away, I’m coming back to revamp the website. I have decided to use WordPress as a way of getting my thoughts on to the page, which has proven to be more challenging than originally expected considering the fact that I had already purchased and had operated the domain at www.onesojourner.com.

Nevertheless, as I work to improve the site, please feel free to email me at jesse@onesojourner.com and let me know what you would like to see in regards to links, buttons, images, content, etc.

Be well,

Jesse